Annoyed, frustrated, or worried
The same grandmother that bequeathed unto me her ancient words gave me something else. Doubt. She was a very critical person. She didn't like me much and took every opportunity she could to put me in my place.
I remember making Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls when I was a teen. The little outfits were so cute and I was quite proud of how they turned out. I displayed them for her appraisal as she had a way with a needle. Her response, "I will wait for the finished product." Really? She never saw the final product as I no longer cared for her opinion. I brushed her dirt from my shoes and walked away.
Years later I realized that I hadn't truly walked away. I doubted myself. I knew I wasn't good enough. I would never be good enough. I wrote but didn't share. I was frustrated because I wanted to grow as a writer and to do that you have to share. I couldn't. I was frozen.
Last year I threw caution to the wind. I took classes and started to feel less anxiety about sharing. It was during one of these classes that I realized I had a 'Honey jar stuck on my nose'.
It was from a song by Kenny Loggins. Return to Pooh Corner.
One of the lyrics goes like this:
Whinnie the Pooh doesn't know what to do.
Got a honey jar stuck on his nose.
The light went on for me. For years I had been carrying around my grandmother Honey's gift of self doubt.
When I found a little figurine of an 'unstuck' Pooh I put it on my desk to help remind me: "It is okay to doubt, that's normal. But if you are feeling stuck get the freaking pot of your nose and move forward.